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Oct 30, 2014

Self-Doubt and Realizing I’m Not a Nutella Jar | Personal

If there’s one thing that I had not anticipated when I first launched my business, it would be the unbelievable pressure that being a creative business owner has etched into my psyche. Over the past few years I have constantly found myself overwhelmed with self-doubt, always wondering … Is my work good enough? Am I good enough to last in this business? Do my colleagues and peers respect my work? Has my work grown and improved enough over the years? Am I getting better? Do my clients love their images? Have I delivered what I promised? And the most dreaded one of them all — How come they didn’t book me, is it because I’m not good enough?

Yes, working for yourself as a creative is hard work. Besides the huge investment of time, learning and money that we’ve put into our business, there are many late and lonely nights working and editing at my computer while the rest of the house sleeps … except for the strange nocturnal creatures I hear outside my window at 4 a.m., thank God we have curtains LOL). It also means responding to emails and trying to catch up on blogging and marketing plans in between life’s demands of being a mother of two, an owner to a dog who needs her daily walks and constant belly rubs, making sure I check in with my parents and of course also dedicating time to my husband, even if just means catching up on shows on our DVR ๐Ÿ™‚ (We are addicted to Blue Bloods, Sons of Anarchy, Law & Order SVU, The Blacklist and Chicago PD right now!!!).

But at the same time, being a wedding and portrait photographer is really such a wonderful gift that I don’t think compares to anything else. There is nothing like sitting at my desk at 3:36 a.m. editing and coming across an image that I know my clients will love. Or waking up to find an email from your client expressing how much they adore their photos. And frankly, when I scroll through my Facebook feed and see that my clients have used one of our photos as their profile pic that truly warms my heart. I cannot think of a better job that allows me to document such poignant moments in people’s lives where love is a staple and light & laughter are always present. Simply put, I love what I do.

On the flip side, equally tough is getting an email from someone who tells you they love your work, but they’ve decided to book someone else. Or those emails when you excitedly respond to an inquiry from someone who sounds eager to book you, but then you never hear back from them. Tommy tells me all the time, I cannot take things to personally because to think I can book everyone who gets in contact with me is just plain unrealistic. I know he’s right, but sometimes … I just can’t help it. I guess you could say, I’m still learning to grow that thick skin you must have as a business owner. It’s always been my downfall, I allow self-doubt to creep into my thoughts way too easily. Thank goodness I’m blessed with a strong and supportive husband who never fails to pick me up when I need it the most ๐Ÿ™‚ I honestly don’t know what I’d do without him!

I have to admit that lately, I’ve been letting self-doubt occupy way too much of my time. But a few weeks ago I saw this post run across my social media feed and it couldn’t come at a more perfect time. Sometimes I’m so worried about pleasing everyone, but really I need to have faith that the people who cross my path are the only ones that are meant to be there. I can’t make everyone happy, only those that I’m meant to make happy …

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